SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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