She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Randomize
