This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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