Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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