When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
