??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
