you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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