I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
