It's like a parade of train wrecks.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
