So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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