We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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