i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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