I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
