Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
