the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm just crazy horny about you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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