Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
