Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
