Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
