I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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