Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
