Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
