I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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