I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
