guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
