Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
