Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
