he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
