How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
