before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
