There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Help me help you realize you are a moron
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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