have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize