When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
