I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
