nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
