I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
