I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
