Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
