i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
