It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
