if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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