This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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