I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't make out with my wife yet
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
