I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
