The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She announced her abortion via fbk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
