It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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