so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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