I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
