Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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