Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
