I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
