OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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