I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
not ubering you a puppy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
