turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize