I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
