I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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