what day is it and did you see me today?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
