I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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