Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
