I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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