Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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