that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
