If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize