best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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