If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
