Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
