So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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