still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
